I’d like to tell you about an IFS micro-intervention that I use in my practice with individuals, couples, and as an IFS informed consultant. It’s called Mini-Pause Unblend. It was developed by IFS lead trainer, Cece Sykes. The Mini-Pause Unblend is a simple, straight-forward intervention that helps parts unblend. Cece introduced this skill to me in consultation in the summer of 2021 and I’ve been using it ever since.
In essence the Mini-Pause Unblend is a micro-witnessing skill that promotes Self-energy in the client, the IFS therapist, and the client-therapist connection. This intervention works beautifully with polarizations or parts that are blended. It helps the client see individual parts one at a time and when they present in small groups. I want to emphasize that the Mini-Pause is a really strong move when a client is blended or polarized, or toggling back and forth between parts. For instance: you might have a client who says “I think, NO I KNOW why I drink. I drink to make the hopelessness and depression go away.” In that moment, the thinking/knowing part (a self like part) has just described the relationship between the drinking distractor/firefighter and the hopeless/depressed exile. This is a perfect time to hold up your hands in the time out signal and and say
- “What you just said is so important. Can we pause together to notice what you just said.”
- Translation: What you (part of the client) just said is so important. Can we (Self of the therapist and Self of the client) pause together to notice (witness and be with) what you just said.
This pause introduces time and space for therapist and the Self of the client to see, hear, and feel what’s there, in that instant for the client. Parts don’t like to be pushed aside. Often clients (and we as therapists) argue with parts. In the Mini-Pause Unblend, the Self of the therapist stops to be fully present with and respectful of the part. Here’s the second part of the intervention:
- “When you pause, what do you notice?”
This second pause focuses more fully on the part or the group of polarized parts. Since the therapist has stopped the conversation, the part or parts are less likely to worry about a therapist agenda that differs from the part’s agenda. This is the perfect place to bring in externalization skills like Right Hand Left Hand, The Table Techinque and Look into My Eyes. Even if parts can’t unblend by swinging out in front of the client, we can still pause to notice the part or parts. If we stack multiple micro-witnessing events, one on top of the other, the connection between the Self of the client and the part of the client deepens and becomes more stable and reliable for the part. Repeated micro-witnessing allows the part to share the full range of their experience, history, hopes, fears, values, etc. This provides the part the experience of being heard, felt, understood, and, most important, valued for their protection of the entire system.
Self-energy is Contagious
It’s worth noting that all or many parts are listening to the conversation between the client and the therapist. Any part that hears the therapist’s invitation to stop and be witnessed experiences a connection to the Self of the client and the therapist. Self-energy begets Self-energy. Dick Schwartz points out that Self-energy is contagious. Over time, parts expect the therapist’s invitation to unblend and be witnessed, they trust the therapist increasingly, and Self-energy becomes an enduring presence in the therapist-client connection. As parts learn to trust Self and the therapist by means of this simple pause, they are more willing and able to take up other unblending skills like externalization, and the Table Technique.
The Mini-Pause Unblend as Fire Drill for the therapist
The Mini-Pause Unblend can serve as mini-fire drill for the IFS therapist. When I pause with my client to notice their parts, I check in with my parts. I take a breath and tell my parts: “I hear you, I feel you, I see you.” I just notice them. Since I have practiced this hundreds of times, my parts feel me there with them, in that moment, and they can tell me what they need me to know.
