We’re always working with polarizations in IFS.  Always.  Working with polarizations is complex and we need to always recall that multiple parts present.  It’s much more realistic to see our client’s as having multiple teams of parts that work in concert to keep pain out of awareness.  This case study provides an example of three cohorts, three polarizations, a total of nine parts at least, that emerged over the first three months for a man with extreme shame/grief exiles and extreme firefighters and managers.   

Psychosocial factors

• 55-year-old MWM whose second wife was divorcing him after he was arrested for a DWI  
• During the DWI event, he reported to wife that he was having an affair with a much younger resident at the medical school where he taught  
• The man’s second wife was also a former mistress with whom he had an affair  
• In HS mother discovered his father was having an affair and threatened divorce.  
• Father responded by killing himself 

Slide 1

• In the first session he reported “I think. No, I KNOW I drink because I’m depressed and hopeless.”  In one sentence he’s spoken about three different parts
• He spent his early years isolated and alone with his depressed mother, and reported “this was the genesis of my depression and profound despair.”

Slide 2

• This client spoke for a high functioning manager that helps him succeed as a doctor and make money to support his family.
• At the same time, we heard from a sexualized firefighter who use extramarital affairs and pornography to dull the experience of an exile who believes
• “I’m unlovable”

Slide 3

• Three months into a session as the losses piled up at home and at work, he said “Fuck it, what’s the point” then paused for a full minute before he said 
• “I would never do what my father did” (commit suicide) 
•  Then a Critical, blaming, shaming manager asked rhetorically  “What’s wrong with me? How could I think that?” 
• In this instance with have a suicidal firefighter who suggests the only way to feel better is suicide, just like his father.  
• This was challenging for me therapist because I know there’s a family tradition of suicide,
•  Clinically, I know that increases his risk for suicidal behavior
•  I recall the fear and nausea when he said this.   

Slide 4

•  Notice the complexity
• This client cycled through nine different parts in the first 3 months of therapy.
• These parts are always present in his system, always exerting a gravitational pull on his behavior.  
• These include high intensity shame based exiles, shaming–blaming critical managers, and suicidal pain management firefighters who distract
• We need to aware this level of complexity exists in every system at all times
• It’s never just three parts.  
• For this reason, IFS therapists need a consistent way to slow or stop the therapy so the client can take notice of and be with all parts effectively
• To slow or stop the therapy in the session can also help the IFS therapist stay connected to Self.  

The Mini-Pause Unblend works beautifully to help the client stay connected to their parts and the IFS therapist to stay connected to Self.